Birth Diaries: ‘I Spent Our First Wedding Anniversary In Labour. But The Birth? I Remember Nothing’

I asked for an epidural. “Okay, we’ll sort that,” they told me. They did, but as it was such a busy hospital, the anaesthetist was called away for an emergency as she put the needle in my spine. Yep – I had to sit hunched over, as still as possible, for 10 minutes until she came back. I got my husband to talk to me, distract me, keep me still. She came back and finished the job, but it didn’t work entirely so I still needed gas and air. 

Leela was being pushed out forcefully by the drug and she hadn’t quite caught up with it. Things just weren’t in sync and a scratch test showed staff she was getting stressed. All of a sudden I was rushed down the hall into the operating theatre to have a C-section. That’s the moment my husband asked if I was going to be okay – the answer “we’re doing the best we can” didn’t give him the reassurance he needed. 

The situation catapulted from labour to an emergency – it was scary, yes, but equally, because everything was explained to me, I didn’t have that panicky, out-of-control feeling. I had to be put under general anaesthetic and I remember vividly saying, as they put me to sleep, “I’m not asleep yet, don’t start!” I panicked they’d cut me open while I was still awake. 

I woke up in a recovery room. No one was around… at first. And then: “Do you want to meet your daughter?” I felt relief – she was okay, I was okay. Leela was teeny tiny, she was so small, but she was healthy and I was in love. 

My birth advice?

Some things are not going to be in your control and that’s okay – we are given a lot of choice, but there are some things you can’t control and it’s important to make peace with that. It’s crucial to remember that it doesn’t mean you had a bad birth if it didn’t go as planned. 

As told to Amy Packham.