Christmas Isn’t The Same After Cancer. I’m Trying To Do It Differently

At first, I was told I’d be home for Christmas but once I got to Aberdeen, they were clear this wasn’t going to happen. I remember feeling like there was no reason to be celebrating – my mum wasn’t even allowed to spend the night with me on Christmas Eve, and I remember crying myself to sleep alone that night just thinking about how horrible life felt. The next day didn’t feel like Christmas at all, despite my family trying their best to make it special; they did a great job of being there for me and trying to distract me from the reality of my illness. The ward also let me out for an hour so it was good to at least get out of the hospital, but even then I was scared – hospital had become my safety blanket, and being away felt overwhelming.