5 marriage mistakes couples make without realizing it — and how to avoid them
Instead, she recommends focusing on the positive by telling a partner what they’ve liked about their sex life, whether it is something happening now or a meaningful experience from years ago.
“Whether you’re a new couple or you’ve been together forever, start with something you appreciate, and then something that you would like more of,” she suggested. “Expand on what’s already working.”
No. 4: Getting stuck in ‘maintenance mode’
Another potential mistake is allowing the everyday responsibilities of life to crowd out opportunities for growth and excitement.
Nelson encouraged couples to consider whether their relationship is primarily in “maintenance mode” or “expansion mode.”
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Maintenance mode involves managing the everyday responsibilities of a shared life, which Nelson said is essential.
“You know, we need to pay the bills. We need to make sure the air conditioner is working,” she said. “We need maintenance in a relationship, just like you need maintenance at a job or just in life. But you also need expansion.”
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Expansion mode, meanwhile, involves trying new things together and finding ways to keep the relationship exciting.
If there’s too much maintenance and not enough expansion, one or both partners could get bored and feel stuck, Nelson cautioned.
“On the other hand, if there’s too much expansion, you’re going to feel like you’re always doing something new and there’s no rest and maybe not enough connection.
“All relationships need freedom and connection.”
No. 5: Keeping feelings of connection to yourself
Couples may also miss opportunities for connection when they feel affection toward their partner but don’t express it, according to Nelson.
She encouraged couples to notice the positive emotions and physical sensations they experience when thinking about their partner and to share those feelings with each other.
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“Where in your heart or in your body are you feeling the most ‘juice,’ the most ‘aliveness,’ when you think about your partner?” she asked.
Some people are more aware of these physical sensations than others, Nelson acknowledged.
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“But if you can put your hand on your heart or on your stomach or your shoulders and say, ‘You know, when I think about you, I get this warm feeling in my heart,’ that’s all you have to share with your partner. And sometimes that means everything to them.”
Ultimately, Nelson emphasized that avoiding these common pitfalls comes down to ongoing attention, curiosity and a willingness to keep discovering new things about each other.
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Article source: https://www.foxnews.com/lifestyle/marriage-mistakes-couples-make-without-realizing-how-avoid-them