The marriage warning sign that may be worse than fighting — and 4 ways to turn things around
The divorce lawyer encouraged re-visiting the simple acts and gestures that both partners enjoyed early in the relationship.
His suggestions included sending sweet “good morning” texts, writing a note complimenting a partner, or sharing a song that sparked a romantic memory.
“It costs nothing, takes 30 seconds to do it,” he said. “What does it cost to write an email with a list of 10 things I like about you? These are not only things we welcome receiving under any circumstances, but they’re actually reminders.”
No. 2: Be intentional about spending quality time
Oftentimes, quiet quitting looks like zoning out during moments of quality time, DeSeta said.
If one partner scrolls on a phone while watching a movie together, the device can become “the third member of the relationship,” signaling where that partner’s attention lies, the expert cautioned.
“When you’re on your phone, you’re just actually saying, ‘I’m choosing to do this versus spending this quality time with you,’” an expert said. (iStock)
“When you’re on your phone, you’re actually saying, ‘I’m choosing to do this versus spending quality time with you,'” she added.
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In addition to paying attention during one-on-one activities, the act of asking personal questions — as simple as “how was your day?” — can also help to restore a connection, DeSeta said.
No. 3: Communicate positively
Instead of leading with a complaint about the relationship, Sexton suggested using a positive approach.
For example, instead of saying, “We never spend time with each other anymore,” try calling back a positive memory and suggest recreating it.
Communicating positively is more likely to receive a positive response, experts advise. (iStock)
“Focusing on what we need to work on is harder than focusing on what it is that we really like about this person, what drew us to them to begin with,” he said. “Chances are, they might feel far away from who they were at the beginning of the relationship.”
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“And maybe our job in a relationship is to try to remind each other of the ‘you’ and the ‘me’ before we became the ‘we.'”
No. 4: Flirt and date each other
Making an active effort to flirt with a partner can boost mood while signaling continued romantic interest, according to DeSeta.
“Let your partner know that you are there to earn them every day,” she said, emphasizing the importance of continuing to learn about and pursue a partner throughout the relationship.
The relationship expert emphasized the importance of consistently “learning and earning” your partner. (iStock)
“Let them know in the most subtle ways every single day that you care about them, that you’re thinking about them – and if you do that, you kind of break this cycle of the quiet quitting and eventually it starts coming back to you.”
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Sexton reminded couples that their time together is limited, so illness or tragedy should not be the catalyst for renewed effort.
“Every single person in your life is not permanently gifted to you — they’re loaned,” he said. “There’s a finite number of times that you’re going to be with this person, see this person, tell this person that you love them.”
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Article source: https://www.foxnews.com/health/marriage-warning-sign-worse-fighting-4-ways-turn-things-around