5 reasons more Americans are cutting off their own parents, according to psychologist
“[That means] listening to the other person and then repeating back what they said as you understood it and validating that … and then waiting until that person’s really finished before you give your side of it.”
Blake also raised the issue of “moralized language,” or “therapy words” that get thrown at parents — “such as abuse, toxic, boundaries, narcissists, gaslighting.”
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“When you use moralized language like that, compromise becomes far more difficult,” he said.
“So I tell parents to pause before they really react … and then say back, ‘Okay, you’ve used the word toxic. Can you describe the behavior or behaviors that you consider to be toxic?’ Then you’re dealing with facts and events, rather than who’s a better person or who’s the worst person.”
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The psychologist also recommends starting with “I” statements rather than using the word “you,” and also avoid using the words “always” and “never.”
No. 5: Outside influences
Finally, Blake said that outside influences — including romantic partners and evolving parenting philosophies — can also contribute to family estrangement.
Heavy social media use has been linked to poorer parent-child relationships. (iStock)
Those outside influences may differ by gender, he noted, with romantic partners often playing a larger role for men.
As an example, Blake pointed to public figures such as Brooklyn Beckham and Prince Harry, suggesting that romantic partners can sometimes influence how people view their relationships with family members.
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Conflicting parenting philosophies may also strain family relationships, as adult children and grandparents sometimes disagree over how children should be raised, according to Blake.
“Parenting styles are obviously different, and they’ve changed a lot over the last few years,” he said.
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“If you look at the outcomes of the gentle parenting or the permissive parenting that we’ve slipped into, we have the most mentally ill generation in history, the least fit for adulthood,” Blake suggested. “Perhaps we should be learning from our grandparents more than the therapists.”
Melissa Rudy is senior health editor and a member of the lifestyle team at Fox News Digital. Story tips can be sent to melissa.rudy@fox.com.
Article source: https://www.foxnews.com/health/5-reasons-more-americans-cutting-off-own-parents-according-psychologist